Life is a game, often a "team" sport, where you arbitrarily get born into one social group or another and spend the duration of your existence in a competition for resources and rewards. At this point in my experience of this engagement, I'm pretty much ready for the coach to come in and tap me on the shoulder and say it's time for me to hit the showers. In this case, the "coach" is wearing a long black robe and carrying a scythe. To carry the analogy a bit further, I've been benched for a while now and will likely never be called in to play again. I'm worn out, injured and unable to perform at the level necessary to compete with the younger, more talented players on the team. Going out on the field is pointless as no one is going to pass me the ball and I simply don't have the drive and energy to fight my way into the fray to get my hands on it.
The point here is that, while I have no immediate plans to quit the team just yet, I would not be resistant to being retired. I know where I'm at in this scenario. I know that there just isn't any more for me to contribute and, frankly, the game is looking like a washout for all the teams involved anyway. The truth about this tournament called humanity is that no one's going to end up winning anything. Sadly, we've all spent the last few eons evolving into this magnificent creature only to slit our own throats just as we're about to hit the goal line.
It all comes down to motivation and there simply isn't any left when you know what's coming and know there's no avoiding it. Whether or not I even have the ability to contribute to this world anymore is irrelevant since there's just no point in even making the effort. There's nothing I could create or communicate or instigate that would have the power to deflect the juggernaut of self-destruction humanity has unleashed upon itself. The inertia of ignorance and stupidity that is dragging us down into the abyss of annihilation is too massive to counter with any degree of intellect or activism. The willingness necessary to assail the halls of power and control in order to right this course does not exist within our species. The heads of state and industry must roll. There is no avoiding this truth. They must all be pulled down by force and smashed into dust. But humanity is too distracted and set upon false rivalries between races and creeds to recognize the real enemy and turn on them.
But it is or no consequence since the time for that drastic action has already past. Pundits who talk about how we have X years to make changes before the effects are too late are all overly optimistic. As the stats of what's really happening keep rolling in, the shocking results are that the degradation and imbalances within our ecosystem are far more advanced than anyone had predicted. It's already too late to fix anything. We should have been on this in the last century, but we're still debating whether it's even real or not. We're still giving voice and credence to cretins, liars and criminals as if their thoughts are worth consideration. They aren't. They should have been shut down and muzzled long ago so that the work of people who understand the physics of the world could get on with the business of not shoving the planet down the toilet.
I wish I was wrong about this. I would be so gloriously joyous to discover the flaws in my assessment and predictions. I would also be just as happy to be wrong about religion and faith and to discover there is a just creator and the evil in this world will come to a reckoning. But the only reckoning to come is the failure of our species to survive and, while there may be some rough justice in that, it's a shame to see all the goodness be taken down with the bad. We are capable of goodness and creativity and inspiration, but the math simply doesn't work out. Though individuals have made great strides in advancing us from the muck of our ancestors, the tidal wave of ignorance, greed and fear has ultimately won the game in favor of nihilism.
This, I will be told, is "wrong thinking". I should be "positive" and "optimistic". I shouldn't give up or admit defeat. The system has placed all sorts of triggers and reminders into our experience that tell us that it's the worst thing of all to admit to failure. I know there will be people who read this and think that I should "hope" for a better future and have "faith" that the good will ultimately prevail. But I've spent too much of my life living in that bubble of false optimism and found that it has only been another distraction and kept me away from the outrage and anger that I should have had and maybe could have used when I was younger and more able to take action. If we all felt the despair and betrayal we should have instead of wrapping ourselves in the security blanket of "positive thinking", we might have taken to the streets and pulled these fuckers out of their seats of power before it was too late.
So I'm still here on the team, but I"m just gonna sit on the bench and watch the game until my little light flickers out. I won't cheer for anyone anymore, however. There's no "rah-rah" left in me at this stage. But there is still a comedy of errors to observe and it makes for some dramatic viewing.
